    The gentle waves of music sweep over my head, and for a moment incorporate into my dreams. They become the soundtrack for the jumbling images, and soon take over whatever dialogue there is in my slumber. My eyes open, sleep over, and a sudden thirst overtakes me to jump out of bed. I often imagine flipping from the bed into a standing position. A dream of sorts but pure fantasy really. Images of things I cannot do often take up a lot of space in my head. Taking in the dark room, quickly turning off the alarm as not to wake up Jaz and the dog, giving thanks for a new day, it’s time to get to my morning routine. A sense of excitement prevails, reminding me of my days of long slumber when younger, times when both parents implored me to get out of bed, this new Sanjay got up voluntarily and early. Papa would be proud. I was living his dream.
    Taking stock of my mornings has become a new ritual for me. What more can I fit into the only time for me, when it feels as if the world sleeps, and it’s just me, the friendly dark, when the rising sun announces the end of that time, and so rushing to get to the learning, expanding my knowledge base the name of the race. It didn’t start off that way. It took a stroke, and a brain surgery to give me the urgency to push away the blankets, to open my eyes in the dark rather than just wallow in it. The change came but not at my terms, but my body’s. I hate to say it but almost dying jolted awake, not once but twice. It is those events that got me dreaming for more. My parched brain seeks new ideas, new things to do, curiosity a dear friend.
    Many close to me know of my mornings, but it wasn’t always this way. It took many months for me to admit my dreams about life wouldn’t become anything more until I did something about it. Almost immediately after recovering from the stroke, I focused on the belly fat. For too long, I’d carried the fat tire as a point of pride. `Then a book about Nutarianism and the correlation between eating animals and disease convinced me to start a plant-based life. A low carb veganism that did not last a year as it limited what I could eat outside so a compromise (something I am prone to do), vegetarianism which now in its end form has turned to being Pescatarian, and probably may announce my return to eating meat again (in moderation). Or not.
    The fear of disease and death got me to this doorstep, pushing me to make this leap in the world of imagining a different Sanjay, one that takes responsibility, is not just cruising along with vague ideas on his life, and then built a law practice. All it took was me waking, feeling a bit strange, my wife and family to point out that my face drooped and me brushing it off and heading to my primary and him confirming that while I slept I’d suffered a stroke, putting me on a life of Warfarin as I suffered from a condition called Antiphospholipid syndrome which caused my blood to thicken and most likely caused a blood clot to rise and affect my brain, and now stroke is listed as one of my medical condition (phew, got that out in one breath). So began the regiment of taking blood thinners and monthly blood checkups, me smiling away at each appointment because anything else felt like a pity party (even though I am good at those).
    I remember the dreams from earlier times, and my face gets flush with embarrassment at their naivete. Jumping from UCLA graduation to AmeriCorps, moving to Lexington Kentucky for a year to teach English where I got to know a number of friends who I still keep in touch with occasionally to impulsively deciding to go to a 2 year law program SCALE at Southwestern University School of law rather than the a regular where I met my best friend to deciding I didn’t want to practice law, instead choosing to go into the Indian party scene where I met my first wife, and on and one, the dreams led the way, but I now wonder if I just went in circles to end up where I really was meant to go.
    Dreams led me astray. They put me on paths never meant for me, causing me to learn painful lessons, introducing me to events burned into my soul, but I have no one to blame. It’s hard to picture now what put those images into my head. There was a time when all I thought was tours, record labels, and becoming an international promoter even thought I had no skills for it. When does dreaming turn into pure fantasy? Easy to point finger to my family, specifically my mother who supported every venture or even my older sister who protested my dumb ideas, but also helped make them a reality. Maybe my dreams made me bigger, laid the foundation for my reality. Perhaps my loved ones saw them with a different eye than me.
    I have always dreamed of different things. Even now, I imagined running a mile under 10 minutes or to be able to do a pull up. I see those actions in my head, imagining a physical prowess that’s eluded me all my life. Yet I keep plugging way. Keep putting the hours on the road or in the gym, feeling like I am going nowhere like in my dreams. In doing these activities, a new me got created. One who took his health seriously, managing to meet new friends, making new habits that I thought impossible a decade ago. Running not one but two marathon and a dozen other running events, all because of what I saw in my head.
    This is not to say nothing came good out of my mind because it made me the person who is writing these words. Yes, dreaming led to experience even when I pictured something else. I learned to connect with so many, learned about business with a safety net even when it felt like I had none, grew a brand, made relationships that stuck for decades, made a meandering network that serves me to the day, and yet it still feels like a dream. Staring out with just these ideas that never should have worked, and it hits me that it all came down to my passion and ability to translate. People wanted to believe because I put it out there. Take for instance, my idea for making a compilation CD of Bhangra songs that took off even though the songs were someone else’s or doing a five-state tour called Desipalooza which introduced me to some of the famous bhangra groups in the world and who I still keep in touch with me to fantastic DJs who are well known in the Desi Scene.
    But wait there’s more! The pictures in my head, created by my desires gave me a lot more different things than I figured. Yet a part of me now wonders what gave rise to them. Why did I think it okay to become a party promoter rather than a lawyer? It hits me that my dreams suffocated my fears, allowed them to hide under the blanket of action when most of the time I had no idea what I was doing. And then there is the big but. All those actions fruited into something tangible, a business that many trust because they know and trust me. So, the dreaming was not a waste, but an essential part of the process.
    Doubt circles me all the time, making me wonder if the time wasted on the things in the past really got me to this present? The agony of time lost makes me wonder what else could have happened, what else created, but it is wasted energy. My drive came from those pictures in my head, led me to this path, and even now new random ideas come to me, things I want to try like gardening, Masterclass, selling on Amazon, to running a mile under ten minutes. Different dreams, but the foundation still the same, the brown boy who thought he would change the desi music world with his vision. Here I am, putting these words down from a journey of my mind and if I am being honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The bumps along with the speed with which my dreams brought me to a space of reality, of finally knowing my place and what I am meant to do. The dreams started my motivation to create something even though the older me shakes my head at the audacity.
    The gentle music reverberates through me. The screen glow reflects onto my face in the darkness. Outside, all is calm and perhaps at peace. Inside, the thirst of knowledge churns, and new dreams arise, new business ideas, new urges for growth, and I sit transfixed at the screen, taking it all in, making up new images in my head that will support my future. I keep on dreaming
.